Wisdom In Silence

For the first time in 5 months I've had a significant amount of alone time. I've been dog watching for another Peace Corps Volunteer while he travels. I've taken advantage of the Internet for communication with friends and family back home, the empty space for whatever yoga I feel like doing, and the opportunity to run around half naked dancing to Spotify radio stations. But most importantly I've taken a lot of time to reflect on myself, my habits, and where my life is going based on my decisions that I make. 

My intense self reflection began years ago, however it's normal to slip in and out of this practice when trials and tribulations present themselves in our lives. The past year and a half has been an incredibly productive time for me as far as spiritual growth and self-awareness is concerned. And once I got to Namibia I knew that it would only deepen. Over the past five months I have come to a lot of realizations about why I do some of the things I do. I've become more aware of "flaws" that I need to pay extra attention to. And this past week spending time alone has been good for me. There are a few changes in my life that I would like to focus on, and I think putting them in writing for the world to see makes it, I don't know, more real....?

1. More clarity. My mind is at ease most of the time. I've gotten good at accepting the flow of life, the ups and downs. Just because something "bad" happens in life it doesn't necessarily have to be perceived as bad. Everything in this world is only considered good or bad because the way we perceive it as so. But the fact is, everything that happens in this world just is. So let it be. Learn from what you can and spread the love. While I've had this peace of mind for a couple years now, I want to focus more on radiating this clarity to help others calm down. In order to achieve this, I need to build what I already have and make it stronger. I can do this through more meditation practices and more yoga involvement. We can never have too much clarity, and I want to keep raising the bar. Not to mention it'll help a lot with music writing and art creating. 

2. Routine. In order for me to achieve #1 I need to develop a better routine. Living in Namibia while serving for the Peace Corps makes it difficult to stick to a set routine. But it's possible...especially once I go back to the village and actually start teaching in January. In the village I do yoga every Monday through Thursday at 5pm in the sand underneath two beautiful trees. But just because I come to town on the weekends, that doesn't give me a good reason to slack on my meditation and yoga just because I want to go out and drink and dance. 

3. Less alcohol. With what I said in #2, I have weighed my options, and I've come to the conclusion that I feel healthier, stronger, and more like a good influence when I refrain from drinking too much. I would love to have a great relationship with alcohol...unfortunately, after a night of drinking, it's really difficult to find the energy to do yoga or even the mental stability to properly meditate. I'm not saying I'm never going to touch a drop of alcohol again....I'm just going to limit the use significantly. Instead of drinking to get drunk with friends, I'll have a drink or two and call it a night. My body is tired of staying up until late hours of the night just so I can keep drinking, make bad decisions, and feel sick the next day. I know I'm young and it's part of being young and having fun (and trust me, I have a lot of fun)....but I can have fun without completely obliterating my mind so often. It's all about balance......I'll reserve the obliteration times for celebrations ;) 

4. More time spent outside. I'm already an outdoorsy kinda gal. But this African heat sure does make the word "outside" radiate a sort of intimidation factor. It's easier to stay cooped up inside (whether it be my hut in the village or a house with open doors and windows in town) than it is to face the sun. Since I was so used to being outside back home, this has affected my mood significantly. So. What I need to do is take advantage of the cooler parts of the day and spend time outside then so that I don't feel so guilty and trapped when I'm inside during the hottest parts of the day. This will require waking up earlier. I have a feeling I'm about to turn into the person that has to enjoy a nice cup of tea while watching the sunrise in order to properly begin my day. I'm alright with that. 

5. Get back to a healthy diet. I miss being a vegetarian. But the truth it, it's difficult to support a healthy vegetarian lifestyle in this place. I know that's me taking the easy way out, but I deserve that much after giving up everything I've ever known for such a long commitment. Eating is a social thing here, so people cook for each other and share, and while I don't prepare meat during the week in the village, my friends in town always include meat in their meals when I'm in Katima on the weekends. The sun is intense and so you find yourself craving more carbs than you need also....But I need to get back to a healthier diet....I'm not sure exactly how yet...but I'll figure that out. And dammit, Simba chips have MSG along with, like, everything else here....so I gotta stop eating that stuff and find alternatives.

For the most part I already lead a clear life. I spend my time productively with reading, creating, socializing with the locals, and just enjoying the present moment. So I know everything I've listed above is going to happen. When I set my mind to something, I don't give up so easily. Even Vince mentioned how I was always like "Hey imma go to Africa!" but nobody ever quite believed it was actually going to happen...and then, well, now I'm here. 

We as human beings are flawed, and even when we strive toward a lifestyle full of light, we still occasionally fall. We are constantly learning. I have a desire to keep climbing the enlightenment ladder and I'm not going to stop. I may get hung up here and there, but I won't fall backwards. 

Here are some perdy pictures from my first few weeks of December :) we sure could learn a lot of nature and its magnificence.....