Elephant Dream

25 January, 2014

Yesterday, I took a nap and had one of the most profound dreams I could possibly have at this time in my life. 

In my dream, I was by myself inside a mud hut in a remote village in Africa (makes sense, right?), and all of a sudden I heard this thundering deep "scream". I looked outside and behind my hut there was a giant elephant (larger than in real life) making horrible sounds. He was angry and crushing into peoples' huts, most likely killing them or at least rendering them severely injured. 

I knew that the cause of his immense pain was humanity. Something in my heart understood that people did something to him to cause his anguish. I felt so sorry for him that I was torn between running or trying to help him. I glanced to my right and saw a ladder built into a really tall tree. I knew that if I wanted to, I could climb the tree and be free of harm's way. But instead I chose to stay and try to help this magnificent animal. 

Immediately I ran inside my hut, closed the door, and went into child's pose (for those of you who are unfamiliar with yoga, it's a relaxing position of innocence and surrender. So in this pose I'm sitting on my knees with my butt resting on my feet. I'm bent forward with my forehead resting on the floor and my arms stretched out in front of me, palms also resting on the ground). I began to meditate on giving love and peace to the distraught elephant. I could hear him screaming and crushing more huts, getting closer to my own. The closer he got the harder I focused on enveloping him in as much love I could possibly channel from the universe. 

I could hear him outside my hut. I could feel the ground trembling with each footstep, but he was no longer making such a horrible cry. He was breathing heavily, and I was shaking. His power over me was incredible. I knew that at any moment he could crush me if he wanted to. But I continued to focus on tranquility. Still in child's pose, I heard the air escaping from his trunk near my ear, and I noticed that he had stuck his trunk through my window. Since the moment he arrived to my home I had felt a gradual shift in his energy. He wasn't as angry....as hurt.... He then lightly touched me with his trunk and began to walk away. 

I slowly rose out of my meditation pose and peeked out of the door. I watched him as he wandered further through the trees away from the village. I was still shaking, but I smiled. Then I noticed a man came out of nowhere with this giant animal I've never seen before. He was using it to try and scare away the elephant. The elephant started to panic again, and I was so angry at the man. I just wanted him to leave the elephant alone....just let him be...he made a mistake, but he was leaving...

And then I woke up. 

This dream is jam packed with symbolism. And it's a representation of my passion and the direction I want to go with it in life. The elephant is a very social creature. It enjoys traveling in packs and has a wide array of emotion and an incredible memory (sounds familiar, huh). But this elephant was alone. And I don't know what humanity did to him, but I felt as if people ignored him. They made him feel as if he wasn't wanted in this village. He was hated out of fear, and this hatred caused his anger. It doesn't make it right for him to kill. It doesn't justify his evil behavior, but how can we blame him when it was society in itself that let him down? And it was society that chose to ignore him instead of give him the love that every living creature deserves. 

It took one girl, a split hair of the size of this elephant, to impact him. It took one person with patience that made the choice to love instead of hate, who chose to forgive instead of blame, to change this elephant. 

I'm not saying I can change dysfunctional people. What I'm saying is that society as a whole has to stop treating the "problem" as a filthy disease that should be swept under the rug. The problem needs attention at the very root. The problem needs a chance for reformation, not just mindless punishment. 

Every human being on this planet deserves to be loved and respected. When people are denied this in their lives they sometimes commit horrible crimes. They misbehave because nobody showed them otherwise. And out of ego, society is the first to judge and point fingers. They cast stones and sentence the evil-doer to the fiery pits of hell. Nobody wants to recognize that this person has a reason for their behavior most likely stemming from childhood. In no way am I justifying a criminal's choice to hurt....but I am trying to point out that there's always something much deeper than what's on the surface. The law can take care of the consequence of the criminal's action...but as brothers and sisters we have to figure out a way to take care of their hearts.  

There's a prison in Alabama that experimented with the Buddhist vipassana meditation practice and criminals. Prisoners were allowed to choose to embark on this 9 day spiritual journey towards self awareness and forgiveness. The results were unbelievable. It took a couple patient, forgiving, and nonjudgmental Buddhist practicers to give their time to these prisoners. They offered reformation and it changed every single one of their lives. Not only did it immediately have an impact, but it stuck with them in the long term. Unfortunately, this bothered a lot of people because it's a predominantly Christian area (sad) and they removed the program. I'm not sure if they ever got it back....but I found that documentary very inspirational (I think it's called the Dharma Brothers...it's on netflix). 

There is hope for change. People just have to harness that hope and diligently "fight" for it. I know there are people reading this right now saying murderers and rapists aren't worth our time, but you're the reason nobody finds the strength to forgive. You're perpetuating this horrific cycle of hate. 

Call me an idealist. Call me an optimist with a tone if disdain in your voice. I don't care. Because it's people like me that give this world a chance of unity, and people like me will stick together and do everything we can to spread tolerance and peace. One day you might want to jump on board, and instead of saying "I told you so" we will gladly take your hand and continue on this journey together. 

Forgive someone today because ultimately you are forgiving yourself. 

We can't do this alone..

You've been deprived,

Denied,

Ostracized from a society of brothers and sisters

And I'm sorry. 

If only you'd have met me sooner...

Then maybe it'd be a different story.

With your hands around my throat

Through fear I felt sympathy

Knowing that at one point you were just a boy

A boy with a history... 

Of maybe an alcoholic father

Or love for a dying mother. 

But now you find your power

In domination and sorrow.

But you didn't win against me.

You chose a girl who's been set free

By the grip of hatred long ago.

I couldn't hate you if it paid.

I couldn't hurt you if they begged.

But I can tell you how I wish you'd have given more attention

to each sun-baked crystal of sand underneath your feet. 

Or to the relief given by the wind from the hot African heat...

Just a little more attention to the comfort of an embrace.

To the sweet innocence of your very first kiss.

Maybe that awareness would have changed you a bit...

The truth is we're really no different.

Made of the same magic that holds the stars together.

You're lost.

But you're my brother.

You're scared.

But you're my sister.

My father. My mother. 

My friend. My lover.

You are me.

And through each fragment of the conscious whole

We will learn, teach, and one day grow

Back into the impenetrable unity we once knew as home. 

Yes, I Know There's Something On My Face...

If you ever want to know the truth about something....just ask a Namibian.

They'll be the first to let you know when something is wrong. And if you're a naturally self-conscious person....take a few lessons on confidence before coming to this country. I, personally, am comfortable in my own skin, so when a Namibian points out a "flaw" of mine, I don't get all butt hurt about it (they always balance it out anyway with compliments on my nose, my eyes, or my ass). But I do, however, find it funny the things that they make sure to ask me about:

1. "Sara, you're sweating *wipes sweat off my cheek with their thumb*....why are you sweating?"

     Um....why am I sweating....? Hmmmm....maybe because we live in a place hotter than hell itself, and we just walked all the way across town in the scorching hot sun. Of course I'm f****** sweating! The real question is, why aren't YOU sweating? 

2. The above issue results in a lot of us Americans breaking out frequently. Our skin just isnt used to going through the whole day with constant heat and no relief with air conditioning....not to mention the ginormous clouds of dirt and sand swirling around us every where we go. So we get a few pimples here and there. You'd think a Namibian has never seen a zit before in their entire life, and they're here to express their deep concern about it every time they see you.....and if you forget it's there in an hour or so, don't worry, they'll remind you. 

3. People here go to the doctor for eeeeeveryyyyythiiiiiiiing...(I'm always advised to pay a visit even when just a pimple decides to pop up)....I've taken for granted what I thought was common knowledge of self-medication. In the states, everyone knows what ibuprofen is for and when to take it and how much....or NyQuil...or Advil....or midol....etc. And namibians do have over the counter medication. But they never use it. When a friend sees my Peace Corps medical kit, their minds are always blown, and then I better be ready to answer a million questions of what's-this-for and that. 

4. Namibians, especially your friends, will be the first to tell you when you've gained or lost weight. Remember that phrase from Bambi, "if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all"? Well, I don't think they've seen Bambi.....

I'll tell you what though. Namibians may not have a filter, but that can also be a good thing, too. Nobody in the street is too shy to tell you that your hair is beautiful...or your tattoos. In fact, they love em so much they want the same exact thing on their arm for the rest of their life. Women are quick to compliment the boobs-hips-booty ratio (if you have that hourglass figure) and men will let you know in five minutes that they're in love....sweaty pimply face or not. I also have more confidence playing my music here in front of people because they all tell me I need to try to make a living with my guitar. I think that's just because it's something different, and there isn't much competition here in that field. 

The ups and downs of daily conversation represent the ups and downs of every day life as a Peace Corps volunteer in Namibia. Every day is full of dynamism. The highest of highs and lowest of lows. It's a constant roller coaster ride that I'm glad I passed the height requirement bar for. Each day is an adventure, and I never know what's in store. Maybe I'll hike to Windhoek with a stranger, break down in the middle of nowhere, kick it with some villagers while waiting for a tow truck for 6 hours because it got lost, fix everything in Rundu and then hop back on track with the arrival destination being waaaaaay past the travel rules for PCVs (shhhhh, don't say anything). Or maybe I'll just hang out in Katima with some local friends, drink some whiskey, and kick all their asses at Call of Duty (the guys were upset about it at first, but now they're getting used to it). Or maybe I'll go to the village and figure out the perfect method to cook this frozen pizza without an oven and wash my clothes outside just to get monsoon-rained on in the middle of it. Or maybe I'll enjoy quiet time in my hut with candles lit and a book in my hands. The simplest things are so nice because they balance out the crazy days, but the crazy days are entertaining because it's always an adventure.

Speaking of village....I should update you on my old roommate situation. Before I left the village for holiday, I had to resort to sadistic measures....

I laid down rat poison.

I know, I know, there may have been an alternative resolution. But he really pissed me off. As I locked up my hut and walked away, I felt a pang of guilt in my chest. But it was his decision to cross enemy lines in the first place. 

I came home nearly a month later. All of the poison pellets had been eaten. I imagine after Protex ate the pellets he realized something was wrong and that the end was near. He accepted his inevitable death but made the decision to get back at the bitch who poisoned him. So, in a frenzy, he chewed a hole through the mosquito net that the little princess had tucked ever so nicely around the mattress, and chose to take his last gasping breath underneath her only pillow.  

That was a week ago, and I'm still upset about it. But I guess I deserved it.

Oh! It had been over a month since I'd seen Kamama since I'd been traveling. She found us today (the first day of school for teachers...now it's the 13 of January while I'm typing this) and I noticed she's had puppies. I don't know where they are, but she's definitely a real Kamama (little mama) now. I'll post pictures as soon as they start wondering my way :) 

It's rainy season! This is overlooking a main street in Katima.

A precious pic of a friend's dog and her puppies.

The village kids I would have hung out with for 6 hours if my hypothetical story of getting stranded on the side of the road on my way to Windhoek was true....

I was taking a piss in my fancy pit latrine, and I noticed this cool little wire house halfway buried in the sand by my feet. I never noticed it before, so I think someone made it and left it as a strange surprise. I'm all right with it, so I hung it up...I'll probably attach some of my pictures from home to it somehow. I love how Africa teaches one to be effectively resourceful....

Rise and shine bright and early in the village! Goodbye, all.

Jigsaw Game

Wrote a new song. Here are the lyrics.... Video will be up soon...

Oceans between and still I see the same thing:

People yearn for money, power, and fame.

Your own blood turns their back on shame

For fear that it just might change their ways.

I'll tell you, we could all use a little bit.

Something to show us when we're full of shit.

Humble this world or we'll keep trashing it

With household chemicals and paper trails.

Chorus:

When will we see our own faces mirrored in our enemies?

When will we reach out to those who can't see their own worth underneath

all the years of dirt from greed?

When will we shut up and listen to our own voices within

Crying out for a little more love and a little less sin?

Well, who knows?

I don't. 

But I hope it's soon.

Don't you?

I love ya, babe, but we'll just have to wait.

See, you gotta find your place in this jigsaw game

Of right and wrong, of weak and strong

But I promise I've been here all along.

We can't change it over night,

This world of fight or flight.

But it's sure as hell worth a try

And it's sure as heaven worth our time.

When will we see our own faces mirrored in our enemies?

When will we reach out to those who can't see their own worth underneath all the years of dirt from greed?

When will we shut up and listen to our own voices within

crying out for a little more love and a little less sin?

Well, who knows?

I don't.

But I hope it's soon.

Don't you?