"Like a f****** dream, I'm livin' it"

I had a dream the other night that I returned home after my two-year service, and as I'm walking to the front door of my parents house, I looked up at the sky and noticed that the stars weren't nearly as bright as I was used to in Africa. In my dream I stopped walking and felt a pain in my stomach because I knew that I could try to tell my family and friends about how the moon is so bright you almost need sunglasses to look at it, and how there are so many stars surrounding you that you feel as if you're walking through space....but that they wouldn't fully understand. At that moment, in my dream, I missed the people I knew looked at the same sky I did for a couple years.

Yea, so, I'm pretty sure that's a premonition dream. 

But on a different and exciting note....I found out my permanent site yesterday! Let me tell you about it :)

Anyone who has served for the Peace Corps is familiar with the revealing of site location....it's pretty fun. The trainers led all 40something of us out back, where a giant outline of Namibia made out of rope  lay on the ground. Placed strategically inside this outline were rocks holding down paper labels of all the different cities we'll be moving to. They then blindfolded all of us (with strips of trash bags...gotta be resourceful in Africa) and cued the music ("Final Countdown" ...duh). We each waited patiently for a trainer to take our hand and direct us to our location. After we were all in place, they announced it was time to remove our blindfolds. 

I immediately looked down at my feet and saw I was standing in the Zambezi region and on a piece of paper that said Gunkwe. I look around and my fellow Silozi language learners were each in their own town/village also in Zambezi. I couldn't be more excited to look inside my envelope to read all about my site. 

Gunkwe is a village 17 km (10.5ish miles) south of Katima ( the largest town in Zambezi region, which borders Zambia. The coolest thing about that is Ryan will be living in Katima...so I'm just a cab ride away from a friend.) 

In my village, the population is 800...baha! That's just a few hundred more than my graduating class...

I will be living in a "traditional thatched house", aka a mud hut, owned by the school...so I'll be on school grounds. My mud hut has electricity apparently...how cool is that...

Oh, and the school....there are 7 teachers, 4 female and 3 male....161 students...

They requested that I teach English, grades 5-7. They also requested that I work with developing the library and to "support the school in computer technology". I'm assuming they want me to get them internet if they don't have it already, or if they do, then help them understand how to really use a computer. They ask that I help the students to form clubs like drama, HIV/AIDS Awareness (oh yea, um, Zambezi region has the highest rate of HIV/AIDS in Namibia...eek...), fundraising and other projects. They ask that I help form sports groups and other cultural things. I think with that they want me to bring what I have to the table, which will obviously be Arts. For the community, they would appreciate it if I could help with vegetable gardening and poultry farming....two things that I know absolutely nothing about :X so my friend, Stephanie, is in the process of emailing me some helpful resources to start educating myself. 

I know you're wondering about the wildlife. I'll be surrounded by game reservations. So, yes, that means there are a lot of animals. My language teacher said to be careful by the rivers and ponds because hippos like to tip the boats...and if there aren't many hippos, then that means it's because there are too many crocodiles....woohoo! I'll also cry from overwhelming happiness the first time I see a wild elephant. And I also need to research what to do if I happen to cross paths with a lion....*gulp*

But, please, no worries okay? I'm in, like, the safest town in Zambezi region (I even have one of the 4 chiefs...how cool is that?! And traditional herb doctors!). The people there are very pleasant and that entire region is highly protected by officials. They all know how many volunteers are coming and what to do if anything bad were to happen. They are very excited to receive us, and I couldn't be happier with my location. I'm sure that once I get there I'll discover more ups and a lot of downs...but that happens everywhere. 

I'm a little bummed about separating with my fellow group 38 volunteers. I've already built great relationships with most of them, and I'm going to miss our mini Okahandja adventures. But we knew this inevitable departure was coming...and we'll embrace it with open arms. I see a lot of traveling in my Namibian life's future :) 

Got this photos of Gunkwe off the Internet.

Real-Talk Time #2

27 August, 2013

I was told by someone with a special talent of "seeing" that I will marry a man within the next *blank* years of my life. I'm not going to mention the details...because I don't think that's important for anyone but myself to know. Whether she's right or not (which she has already been right about a lot of things) or full of shit, who knows...but it got me thinking about this whole love business...

Warning: The following content may contain mushy material that may not be suitable for all viewers. Viewer discretion is advised. 

Those of you that know me know that I almost tied the knot last year in October. Those of you that don't know me...well...I almost tied the knot last year in October. I won't go into detail why we split up, but I had to leave my best friend and love of my life for both of our well-beings. And while we had planned to get back together when the time was right...well...turns out that time wasn't on our side. Life happened. He's where he is, and I'm in Namibia. 

I know you're probably wondering what this has to do with my African adventure. I'm gettin' there. 

After we broke up I basically turned my heart off to the whole idea of marriage. In fact I hated the idea of marriage. So I laughed when this lady told me I'd meet the man I'm going to marry.

But now I'm here in Africa. Submersed in a culture very different from my own, which can at times be lonely without the distraction of a male companion, or of close friends constantly around. I've only been here for 1 month...but I've already had a lot of time to look inward. 

And I've figured out that my desire for a lifetime partner hasn't necessarily disappeared. I never actually hated the concept of marriage....I just hated what society has turned it into with influences by media, ego, and unreasonable expectations. 

People have lost themselves in their own minds....buried themselves in egotistical emotions like possessiveness and jealousy. Marriage isn't just about being with someone you love...it's also about sharing your life path with your best friend in their purest form...and understanding that while you may be together you are not owned by each other. You support each other with everything that you have, yet still let each other breathe. You respect each other's passions, desires, and goals as something separate that can be accomplished with equal support from both sides. This requires trust, but you can't have trust without honesty. And I feel like a lot of people have lost touch with honesty....which leads to distrust. 

Whether I get married or not one day...who knows....it doesn't really matter....

But I do know that I have found home within my own heart throughout my time of healing from my almost-married breakup. The past year of my life without him has taught me so much about myself and where I'm headed in life, and this past month has confirmed it. I am on a mission to spread tolerance and compassion everywhere I go and to keep going anywhere I can. If I happen to meet someone along the way, then that's beautiful, but if he tries to hinder my purpose for selfish reasons, then marriage is not an option. I live for worldly love, not romantic love. If I happen to find it for what it was originally meant to be, then I will cherish it for the precious and ephemeral jewel that it is. 

   "Love one another, but make not a bond 

of love:

   Let it rather be a moving sea between 

the shores of your souls.

   Fill each other's cup but drink not from 

one cup.

   Give one another of your bread but eat 

not from the same loaf.

   Sing and dance together and be joyous, 

but let each one of you be alone,

   Even as the strings of a lute are alone

though they quiver with the same music.

   Give your hearts, but not into each

other's keeping.

   For only the hand of Life can contain

your hearts.

   And stand together yet not too near

together:

   For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

   And the oak tree and the cypress grow

not in each other's shadow."

----Kahlil Gibran The Prophet

What Would You Do With 1 million dollars?

August 21, 2013

Today was my first day to teach an entire classroom. 

Well...sort of. 

The education volunteers are doing this thing for two weeks called Model School (practice school). 575 children, grade 5-10, chose to register for class during their two week holiday. 

Chose to go to school during their vacation.... Even more showed up but we had to turn them away because we didn't have enough space...

This blew my mind. You'd have to pay American kids a ridiculous amount of money, or bribe them with a lifetime supply of junk food, to get them to go to school for 4 hours Monday through Friday for two weeks of vacation time. 

A few kids that we turned away because of space wrote a letter and gave it to another volunteer. It said that they didn't want our food. They just want to learn. They begged for us to let them in the classroom so that they could "better their education". 

Children here understand how much of a privilege it is to have an education, and unfortunately access to education is a lot more difficult here than it is in the states. It's so readily available in the states that kids don't understand how lucky they are to go to school every day. 

Another thing that blew my mind...

In "class" today, Alyssa (my model school partner) had our 6th graders write about what they would do if they won 1 million dollars. We had a few students present their assignment to the class, and the rest we took home with us to read. Almost every single student wrote about how they would buy a new house and car for their family, but then would give the rest of the money to the poor....or would build schools so that the kids on the street would have a place to go to get an education...or would buy all of the orphans food, shelter, and clothing. Some said they would move to the United States and get a job so that they could make more money and send it to their families so they could buy food and new clothes. 

6th grade. 

Think about it. 

My intentions aren't to make you sad or feel guilty. Instead I'm hoping that you'll think of ways you can help...

I'm looking forward to doing my part. 

Caution: Rogue Robots!

August 18, 2013

Thursday night the volunteers stayed late after training to watch a movie together. We chose Wall-E. Most of you have probably seen this adorably animated movie packed full of symbolism on a few depressing issues of the human race, like pollution and social disconnection with the advancement of technology. For those of you that haven't seen it, the basic moral of the story is that we have one planet. And we have one life. So stop trashing the only thing that is our home and live in the present moment as brothers and sisters because life is too short to go on living it half-assed. 

There's a scene where the main character, Wall-E, accidentally frees some of the robots, and with each clumsy footstep he causes a ripple in the stagnant pond of comatose human beings, and with each ripple they slowly start to "wake up" and notice the world around them for what it really is. As the robots break free an alarm signals "Caution: Rogue Robots. Caution: Rogue Robots".

At that moment I looked around the room at all of my fellow volunteers and smiled....because I realized we are the rogue robots of our community. We are the people that see problems in the world and have a desire to change them, no matter how futile it may seem in the beginning. We are the ones that choose to go against the grain but with positivite action instead of force.  

While I can't stress enough how happy I am in this country, I have to share with you the issues in Namibia that myself and the other education volunteers are going to have to face head on when we are dispersed to our sites. (Business and health and other volunteers will share similar conflict, but I can't speak for them considering I'm in training for education). Keep in mind that Namibia is a young country, having just gained its independence in the early 90's. I'm lucky to be here during post-apartheid rule, but it takes time to change. Here are some of the challenges Namibia is dealing with that education volunteers wish to impact::

Corporal punishment is illegal in the education system....however, the schools are struggling with abiding by this law. And unfortunately it is still the most common form of punishment in the household. Depending on the school and/or teacher, it's not uncommon for the kids to be whipped on the hands or backs of legs with sticks or wire for bad behavior, but also for answering questions incorrectly, failing tests, or failing classes. Some teachers will even ridicule the failing students in front of the entire school at assemblies by calling them out by name. Some teachers (the number depends on the region) believe corporal punishment to be the most efficient way to manage a classroom...and while it may resolve the behavioral issue immediately, they refuse to see the negative long term effects. Children are scared to participate in class, or they act up way too much for the attention. Some lose all motivation completely because they think it's pointless in trying if they aren't heard or respected. 

We had a meeting the other day with Namibian teachers, and a volunteer asked what they expect us to bring to the table. One of the teachers mentioned that we need to bring our ideas of alternative behavioral treatments into our schools. Some Namibian teachers recognize corporal punishment as a counter-productive means of control and wish to see it abolished. 

Lack of parental involvement in the children's education is a common problem here, especially in rural areas and villages because the parent/s are busy with homestead work, like farming, raising cattle or goats, etc. There is lack of communication between teachers and parents considering a lot of families don't have phones let alone electricity. When the kids go home they are needed to help on the homestead and often don't have time to study. This leads to a high dropout rate. 

HIV/AIDS is a problem in Africa, but it's a very big problem in Namibia. The region I will be living in, Zambezi, has the highest HIV/AIDS rate compared to the other regions in Namibia, and a lot of children are affected by this, whether it be dealing with a sick parent at home or being infected themselves. Some students are kept in the dark about being HIV positive and blindly take medication daily. Others are aware of having the disease and have to deal with the social stigma that goes along with it, making a normal childhood nearly impossible to experience. Others are orphans because they've lost their parents to the disease. As teachers and mentors we will be expected to do what we can to spread awareness and teach children how to avoid contraction and be there for those that may be dealing with it on a personal level already. 

Gender equality is something we females in my generation take for granted in the United States. Here in Namibia, females are struggling to have a voice outside of their predetermined gender role of housewife and child bearer. The country is making progress with women in the workforce, but domestic violence and unfaithfulness is something that women are too familiar with here. A lot of that is linked to the HIV and alcoholism issue. Problems at home obviously affect the children in school. As volunteers in our communities we will be expected to actively coordinate and participate in extracurricular activities that not only unite girls with girls and boys with boys, but that will also unite them together as a whole. 

As the "rogue robots" of America and Namibia, I have faith in us to continue with the reformation our previous counterparts have left us with to carry on...because we're not afraid. We're not scared to point out that the easy way isn't always the right way, and we're sure as hell not afraid to stick up for how humans should treat each other, and that's with respect, love, understanding, and compassion. We know we won't see the impact we've made initially because change takes time...but years down the road I know our compassion will have made a difference.

And with that being said...I want to remind you that you don't have to be in the Peace Corps to be a rogue robot. Nothing positive is too small to be ignored. Maybe you don't have the means or the time to involve yourself in your community quite like you'd wish, but when you're carrying on through your day to day routine, keep your eyes open for a fellow brother or sister that might need an extra hand, a kind word, or encouragement of sorts. Lend a minute of your time to make someone's life a little easier for that moment. And those of you that do have time, get up and do something for your community. It doesn't have to be a chore. It shouldn't have to be court-ordered to pick up trash, or serve a few hours here and there at a hospital, nursing home, vet clinic, school, daycare, rehab center, etc. 

I don't want the fate of humans in Wall-E to come to fruition. I don't want to see our society spiral faster into the abyss of disconnection and laziness. I know you don't either. So, lets get to work :) 

Cheers.

Real-Talk Time

12 August, 2013

Since I've started this blog I have filled your head with photos and ideas of what my current location is like. I've showed you the faces of the people I'm around every day. I've briefly (very briefly) described my adventure play by play...but I have yet to inform you of what's going on in my mind...like...what's really going on in my mind. 

So. With that being said, I have started a new part of my blog called Real-Talk Time...and I'll number it as I upload each entry (ex: the next time I get personal the title of the entry will be Real-Talk Time #2, then the next #3, etc...) Real-Talk Time is a place that I can dump out all my emotions. It's therapeutic for me...and could be entertaining for you...And who knows, maybe even helpful/useful/inspiring/whatever...But just know that this is basically a personal diary, and the Peace Corps is not responsible nor necessarily condones anything I say or feel. 

Okay. Lets talk.

I've been on an entirely new continent for exactly two weeks, and away from home for two and a half. And to be completely honest with you...I feel guilty for not really missing anyone. 

Wait. Before you get offended, let me explain.

We stay incredibly busy with training. There aren't many moments to stop and think. By the time I get home I have 3 little boys climbing on me wanting to play, and a host mom and sister to talk to. Somewhere in between that I have to eat dinner, clean up, and/or study my new language or other homework assignments for the next day. When all of that is done I'm asleep before my head hits the pillow. And when I do have down time, I'm usually with other Peace Corps Volunteers talking about training, Namibia, their lives, a brief history of my own, or about what we're getting ourselves into. 

As you can see, there isn't much time to sit here and deeply miss the people I love back home. That doesn't mean I won't miss anyone...and it doesn't mean I'm happier here than there. Right now I'm in what the Peace Corps calls the Honeymoon phase. Supposedly, for the first two months volunteers are too excited to feel sad, too busy to feel homesick. You have to realize that we are being bombarded with new information every second of each day. Absolutely nothing is familiar. 

So in other words, I don't not miss anyone because I've forgotten them, but rather I'm not missing anyone because I'm too distracted to miss them. I've never been one to get homesick to begin with....but here are a few things I find myself missing for a few seconds randomly throughout these past couple weeks:

1) Pizza delivery. The other night after training I thought I'd order a pizza so that we wouldn't have to really clean up after dinner. And then I remembered...oh yea...I'm in Namibia. 

2) A beer stocked fridge. I moved in with my parents about 3 months before my leave date to enjoy time  with family, and if there's one thing you can count on at my parents' house (besides an overflowing cup of love, of course) it's a fridge with a never ending supply of beer. 

3) Goofy family conversations. We always talked about the silliest things at home, and while I continue to do that with people here, there's just something different about being able to talk like that with your parents. Not many people experience the type of relationship I have with my family, and I'm very fortunate to be able to be myself around them. 

4) Timothy Patton's beard. I know, that's a strange thing to miss. But one of my favorite things about him was his incredible amount of tolerance of me playing with his facial hair. I don't know people well enough here to just walk up to them and tug on their beard...now that I think about it, I don't even think any of the volunteers have one. And even if they did, it wouldn't be the same. I could go for a good Tim hug, too.

5) Vince Waldo's superhuman friendship. I "miss" all of my friends. And I will "missmiss" all of my friends for real whenever everything finally settles in. But I miss Vince's ability to say what I need (not always want) to hear at any hour of the day/night. Any time I've ever needed someone to talk to, he has been there. And while I haven't needed to "talk" to anyone since I've been here, I know that I will need to eventually. And it's really going to affect me when I go to call him and then realize he's not just right down the road. 

6) Madame President. I miss my guitar. Two volunteers, a married couple, are letting me borrow their guitar that they brought (they don't know how to play...they brought it so they could learn). And while beggars can't be choosers, I can't help but think of my pretty Takamine while I'm playing their guitar. It just isn't the same. But it's better than nothing. (My new friend, Alex, also brought his guitar, and he's been super nice to let me play it. It's also great to just sit back and hear him play. My goal is to influence him to start writing his own music. He has incredible talent, and I know if someone helps build up his confidence, then he'll be an incredible song writer. Who knows, maybe I've found my new music partner.)

:Right now that is about all I have found myself missing for tiny increments of time, just to be quickly pushed aside in my mind by some more foreign language vocabulary words, or strange cultural concepts. My intention was not to make anyone feel neglected, but rather to express how I truly feel. After all, I can't properly document my experience without truth and honesty...I foresee many entries in the future with tears and "I miss you"s so stay tuned.

But for now I'm soaking up every second I possibly can. I've already begun forming friendships with volunteers that I know will last for a lifetime. I already feel like a part of the family with my host mom and sister. The three little boys (Zandler-6, Ziyad-4, and Geovanne-4) have become my best friends. Last night I said I will miss them when I go to site at the end of September and Zandler said in broken English, "We will miss you, too. We will cry." And I knew he meant it after they all piled on top of me on my bed and begged to sleep next to me last night. I've known these people for two weeks, but everyone I've talked to and everywhere I've been has seemed so familiar, as if I have walked a similar path before.

I'm exactly where I need to be. And I intend to keep going no matter how bumpy this road is about to get. And when I do start to feel that emptiness...that homesickness...I will let you know. But for now, in this moment, I am whole. 

Wait...You Actually Eat That...?

August 11, 2013

Yes. That's the sunrise. And no, I'm not just now going to sleep like I would be back in the states...it's a Sunday morning, and I couldn't keep my eyes shut past 5:45 because of my new routine...and the roosters. Nobody else is awake, so I'm using this time to tell you about yesterday.

We had a cultural food day where all of the volunteers, trainers, and host families gathered and cooked traditional African food. People were encouraged to dress up in traditional clothing of the tribe they represented. Since I'm going to Caprivi (which is now called Zambezi...they changed the name of the region a few days ago) my language teacher brought me a wrap to go around my waist. It's perdy and wraplike.

Here are some pictures to give you an idea of what the day was like:

We (and by "we" I mean "they") had to slaughter a few chickens and a goat. I stuck with peeling potatoes and shelling water lily roots. It got pretty graphic...and while others exploited each animal's death, I chose to keep the camera away as they bled out. So, sorry if you were looking forward to that....

Mmmm vegetables. Pat is an onion chopping expert now.

Open fire cooking...it's hot and way too smoky, but the food tastes so much better. This was at the Silozi speaking table. We cooked potatoes, fish, fish heads and water lily roots, chicken, and porridge. The best way I can describe the taste of this region's food...is...swampy....? Yea....swampy. Ill get used to it. I have no choice.

I think that's spinach...*shrugs*

The traditional colors for this tribe are pink, white, and black. I adore their dresses. And the guys look pretty sharp, too. 

This table is the Afrikaans table. I liked their food the best because it was closest to German food, and at least that's something I'm familiar with. 

Mama Rosa. She's my language teacher for Silozi. Words can't describe how happy she makes me.

Ryan loves her just as much as I do.

Josh is stirring up some worms. I forget what the technical name is, but they're sort of like giant caterpillars. After they're cooked they actually taste pretty good. Just make sure you have something to wash it down with...

This beautiful lady, Lacy, was my vegetable prep buddy all morning. She's also going to the Zambezi region. I have a feeling we're going to become pretty good friends over the next two years. So, remember her name and face because you'll probably hear more about her later.

This is Susan. She takes on the mother role of the group pretty naturally. She taught in the states, so I'm sure she's ready to get out to site and start working.

There's too much awesome in this picture. 

I want to steal Olivia's dress.

June got her hair diiiiiid. 

The babies and kids here are the best. And Rouchelle still looks pretty, even in whatever that is they had her wear.

Jolene...my host sister is too cute for her own good. 

The difference between kids here and kids in the states....here they are actually interested in what we're doing at any given moment. I feel like most kids back home could care less about the people around them and worry more about themselves. If I ever have children, I'm going to make it a point to try to culturally round them out. Oh, and that's Aaron. He's a sweetheart.

Mmmm, bread.

And no day is complete without dancing of course. 

:The event was a success. We filled the training hall with plenty of mouths to feed. I ate things I can't pronounce, and I also ate things I'd rather not know the name of. But for the most part, I could get used to all of this traditional food. 

Anyway, I've got kids to play with and work to do. I hope you're all doing well wherever you are. 

Random thought of the day: the birds here sound like styrofoam rubbing together....o.O 

Laughter is Universal

July 31, 2013

Ki musihali sha! (Good afternoon)

If there's one thing I've learned already it's that laughter connects us all, no matter what language we speak or understand. When I studied abroad in Costa Rica, I at least understood most of what was being said, and if I didn't completely get it I still got the idea. But here...wow. My host family speak Afrikaans, and while I can catch a few words here and there, I have no clue what they are talking about. And even though there is a communication barrier, we still laugh at the same things or at each other. 

Most host families have done this plenty of times before, however, mine has not. That means I'm the guinea pig. I know it must be weird for them. All of a sudden an english speaking 24 year old white female with tattoos has moved into their house for an awkward two months. We do everything differently. But that hasn't gotten in the way of communicating with each other. I absolutely adore my host mom. She's laid back, motherly, and best of all, sarcastic. We laugh when we don't understand each other and we try our hardest to get the message across. Jolene, her daughter, speaks English pretty well. She's about to finish high school and aspires to be an accountant of sorts. The 3 grand kids are hilarious and incredibly rambunctious...at first they were confused by me, but now they are glued to my side. When I'm in my room they follow. When I'm looking in my bags for something, they "help" me dig through my stuff to find what I'm looking for. When I'm sitting on my bed the three of them are climbing all over me and rambling in Afrikaans. The four year old gets frustrated when I don't know what he's saying, but he is the silliest one always trying to make me laugh. The 6 year old tries to translate for me and is willing to help me out with anything I may need that he could possibly understand, and the 3 year old is happy just to make me smile. 

I showed them the photo booth on my iPad and I've never heard kids laugh so hard in my life.

Here, I'll throw in some normal pictures so that you can get those terrifying images out of your head:

They call the one on the left Mr. Miyagi. Lol....like...the whole town knows him as that...and i find that hilarious. I think his real name is Baba...or that means brother in Afrikaans....hell if I know. I'm sure I'll figure it out. Anyway, I will close this blog with some random pictures around Veddersdahl (the town I live in). As they would say in Silozi....muzusuhande...good night!