Long-Distance Tag

A video stream of memory

that I don't have a place in.

Your faces- pixilated

Voices- no bass and

it's the closest thing I have 

to remind me of a time when

I knew what it felt like 

to belong with you.

 

Dog Town

The sun goes to sleep faster than you anticipated.

Every few footsteps you look over your shoulder 

and with each stride you know you're getting closer

to the place you can't call home but it might as well be.

You're in dog town tonight

And it's obvious that there's something about the light

that keeps them off the street

And there's something about the night 

that lets them breathe

Easier. Safer. More freely.

Maybe if you crawl on all fours you can blend in with them.

Everywhere you look, a test of dominance and strength.

Ticks and flea bites have no effect on social status

Because who the hell cares when they have the same struggles?

The moon lights your way but are you sure it's safe to follow?

After all, can it peer into the break of dawn of tomorrow?

Can it promise that your eyes will watch the sunrise? 

No, it sure can't. But hey, it's all you've really got. 

Wisdom In Silence

For the first time in 5 months I've had a significant amount of alone time. I've been dog watching for another Peace Corps Volunteer while he travels. I've taken advantage of the Internet for communication with friends and family back home, the empty space for whatever yoga I feel like doing, and the opportunity to run around half naked dancing to Spotify radio stations. But most importantly I've taken a lot of time to reflect on myself, my habits, and where my life is going based on my decisions that I make. 

My intense self reflection began years ago, however it's normal to slip in and out of this practice when trials and tribulations present themselves in our lives. The past year and a half has been an incredibly productive time for me as far as spiritual growth and self-awareness is concerned. And once I got to Namibia I knew that it would only deepen. Over the past five months I have come to a lot of realizations about why I do some of the things I do. I've become more aware of "flaws" that I need to pay extra attention to. And this past week spending time alone has been good for me. There are a few changes in my life that I would like to focus on, and I think putting them in writing for the world to see makes it, I don't know, more real....?

1. More clarity. My mind is at ease most of the time. I've gotten good at accepting the flow of life, the ups and downs. Just because something "bad" happens in life it doesn't necessarily have to be perceived as bad. Everything in this world is only considered good or bad because the way we perceive it as so. But the fact is, everything that happens in this world just is. So let it be. Learn from what you can and spread the love. While I've had this peace of mind for a couple years now, I want to focus more on radiating this clarity to help others calm down. In order to achieve this, I need to build what I already have and make it stronger. I can do this through more meditation practices and more yoga involvement. We can never have too much clarity, and I want to keep raising the bar. Not to mention it'll help a lot with music writing and art creating. 

2. Routine. In order for me to achieve #1 I need to develop a better routine. Living in Namibia while serving for the Peace Corps makes it difficult to stick to a set routine. But it's possible...especially once I go back to the village and actually start teaching in January. In the village I do yoga every Monday through Thursday at 5pm in the sand underneath two beautiful trees. But just because I come to town on the weekends, that doesn't give me a good reason to slack on my meditation and yoga just because I want to go out and drink and dance. 

3. Less alcohol. With what I said in #2, I have weighed my options, and I've come to the conclusion that I feel healthier, stronger, and more like a good influence when I refrain from drinking too much. I would love to have a great relationship with alcohol...unfortunately, after a night of drinking, it's really difficult to find the energy to do yoga or even the mental stability to properly meditate. I'm not saying I'm never going to touch a drop of alcohol again....I'm just going to limit the use significantly. Instead of drinking to get drunk with friends, I'll have a drink or two and call it a night. My body is tired of staying up until late hours of the night just so I can keep drinking, make bad decisions, and feel sick the next day. I know I'm young and it's part of being young and having fun (and trust me, I have a lot of fun)....but I can have fun without completely obliterating my mind so often. It's all about balance......I'll reserve the obliteration times for celebrations ;) 

4. More time spent outside. I'm already an outdoorsy kinda gal. But this African heat sure does make the word "outside" radiate a sort of intimidation factor. It's easier to stay cooped up inside (whether it be my hut in the village or a house with open doors and windows in town) than it is to face the sun. Since I was so used to being outside back home, this has affected my mood significantly. So. What I need to do is take advantage of the cooler parts of the day and spend time outside then so that I don't feel so guilty and trapped when I'm inside during the hottest parts of the day. This will require waking up earlier. I have a feeling I'm about to turn into the person that has to enjoy a nice cup of tea while watching the sunrise in order to properly begin my day. I'm alright with that. 

5. Get back to a healthy diet. I miss being a vegetarian. But the truth it, it's difficult to support a healthy vegetarian lifestyle in this place. I know that's me taking the easy way out, but I deserve that much after giving up everything I've ever known for such a long commitment. Eating is a social thing here, so people cook for each other and share, and while I don't prepare meat during the week in the village, my friends in town always include meat in their meals when I'm in Katima on the weekends. The sun is intense and so you find yourself craving more carbs than you need also....But I need to get back to a healthier diet....I'm not sure exactly how yet...but I'll figure that out. And dammit, Simba chips have MSG along with, like, everything else here....so I gotta stop eating that stuff and find alternatives.

For the most part I already lead a clear life. I spend my time productively with reading, creating, socializing with the locals, and just enjoying the present moment. So I know everything I've listed above is going to happen. When I set my mind to something, I don't give up so easily. Even Vince mentioned how I was always like "Hey imma go to Africa!" but nobody ever quite believed it was actually going to happen...and then, well, now I'm here. 

We as human beings are flawed, and even when we strive toward a lifestyle full of light, we still occasionally fall. We are constantly learning. I have a desire to keep climbing the enlightenment ladder and I'm not going to stop. I may get hung up here and there, but I won't fall backwards. 

Here are some perdy pictures from my first few weeks of December :) we sure could learn a lot of nature and its magnificence.....

Summertime Christmas

It's Christmas Eve and I wish I had a pair of shorts. Too bad it's not socially acceptable to stroll around in underwear....

I'm far away from my family this holiday, so it doesn't feel like Christmas at all. I guess that makes it easier to be away. 

What an interesting month it has been...it's difficult to find a place to start and to figure out what's worth reading about. So I'll just tell you like this:

Reconnect training was awesome seeing the rest of group 38 for a week. We were spoiled by the Peace Corps up in the mountains near the capital. We played drinking games, watched movies, did yoga, hiked, oh and we did some work too....

After that about 30 of us ventured to Swakopmund on the west coast. It was wonderful spending time next to the ocean. Here we...well...drank some more, had a clothes swapping dance party, almost faught a group of Afrikaans speaking white guys (but we're in the Peace Corps so we chose the high road out and stayed peaceful....even after waking up to the pig's head outside our front door....) jammed out on the guitar with a cool dreaded lesbian chick on the beach, met a cute guy in a music store that I'll probably never see again, filled my belly with Italian, Mexican, and sea food, and basically just relaxed.

After that I spent time in Okahandja with a handful of Volunteers and kicked it at the Reit Klub. The owner built a bonfire and I played my guitar for everyone. I got lost in the flames and remembered what it felt like for the first time in a long time to really feel the music I've written. I met beautiful new souls, especially one in particular that needed a little reminder of what's worth living for in life...not that he didn't already know, he just needed a stranger to come pass through his life briefly at the right time. The next day I found myself sitting on the bar playing my music for about 8 old white German/Afrikaans speaking men, and afterwards enjoyed my time with a beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other (sorry, mom, I like to smoke when I drink and I didn't have any cloves) while we all listened to the blues. It was one of those moments that reminded me how random my life is. 

I spent the rest of the weekend with my old host family. We drank some more (wow, I'm beginning to think I shouldn't write about that so often...) and then I hiked my way back up north to my second home, Zambezi region. That was an adventure that consisted of two days, a truck driver that mumbled to himself the whole time, and a lot of baking in the sunshine. But I made it. ;)

And, man, was I ready to be home. 

Namibia is a beautiful place with great people, but I'm partial to the northern regions, particularly Zambezi. I've made great friends here and there isn't as much racism as there is in the south. I experienced a lot of that for the first time during my vacation....and I kept my mouth shut for the most part because I know what this country has gone through, and I understand some wounds are still fresh. 

But just because I chose when or when not to speak, that doesn't mean I don't represent equality. It's important to choose which people are willing to hear your words, otherwise it's like talking to a brick wall, and it's not my place to impose my beliefs on an old man that faught in war. Change starts in the younger generations, and I'm sure as hell not afraid to state my opinion with those closer to my age. 

I don't want to go too deep into the racial issue in this blog because honestly I don't feel like killing my own vibe on Christmas Eve (now technically Christmas morning). Maybe later down the road I'll go into more depth on this subject matter. 

For now, I'll continue enjoying this Amarula liqueur and talking to friends on Facebook because I actually have decent access to Internet this whole week :) 

The neighbors next to my friend's house are partying hard outside. It's Christmas after all :) ...I may go join them...I'm sure that'll just add another chapter to this story book of mine...*cheers* 

If you'd like to see my pictures from my few vacation weeks, follow me on Instagram @Saramanarasauce 

Facebook Statuses Continued

Here are some more Facebook worthy status updates that I've thought randomly throughout my stay but didn't have Internet access to actually post them:

1. Listening to Nick Drake while watching the sand fight for every last drop of water falling from the sky. 

2. Dancing with village kids to Wake Up by Arcade Fire. Life is seriously nothing less than perfect because of moments like these. 

3. I have come to the conclusion that if my friend Stephanie Farmer (formerly Williams) was transformed into tiny words and put on paper she would be the story Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

4. Something I hear girls talk about all the time here that I can't relate to: how much their hair costs. 

5. A man in the kitchen is just as sexy on the African continent as it is on the North American continent.  

6. How many pop songs exist with the words "hands in the air like you don't care" or other variations of it? And am I the only person that's annoyed by this? 

7. I'm now used to killing bugs in my underwear. Not bugs inside my underwear, but me wearing my underwear and killing bugs...because they all come out at night at the same time, and it's like a war zone. 

8. Okay, so this mouse eats my soap...and then an animal eats my soap through the bag that I left outside. I'm about to give this soap a try to see what all the fuss is about...

9. Watching a man try to catch a runaway goat in the middle of town never gets old. 

10. Too...much....time...without...a...guitar. I'm dying.

11. Four months and I STILL try to get in on the wrong side of the car occasionally. 

12. Who wouldn't want to live in a place where mango trees grow everywhere? 

13. It feels weird when I hear Namibians listening to country music...and it feels even weirder that for some reason I like it better now than I did in the states. Same goes for pop music. What's happening to me?! 

14. What's that sound? ...oh, it's a hippo?....of course....

15. I think I like the safety of a mosquito net so much that I'll have to buy one when I get back to the states, otherwise I'll feel too vulnerable.