Real-Talk Time #2

27 August, 2013

I was told by someone with a special talent of "seeing" that I will marry a man within the next *blank* years of my life. I'm not going to mention the details...because I don't think that's important for anyone but myself to know. Whether she's right or not (which she has already been right about a lot of things) or full of shit, who knows...but it got me thinking about this whole love business...

Warning: The following content may contain mushy material that may not be suitable for all viewers. Viewer discretion is advised. 

Those of you that know me know that I almost tied the knot last year in October. Those of you that don't know me...well...I almost tied the knot last year in October. I won't go into detail why we split up, but I had to leave my best friend and love of my life for both of our well-beings. And while we had planned to get back together when the time was right...well...turns out that time wasn't on our side. Life happened. He's where he is, and I'm in Namibia. 

I know you're probably wondering what this has to do with my African adventure. I'm gettin' there. 

After we broke up I basically turned my heart off to the whole idea of marriage. In fact I hated the idea of marriage. So I laughed when this lady told me I'd meet the man I'm going to marry.

But now I'm here in Africa. Submersed in a culture very different from my own, which can at times be lonely without the distraction of a male companion, or of close friends constantly around. I've only been here for 1 month...but I've already had a lot of time to look inward. 

And I've figured out that my desire for a lifetime partner hasn't necessarily disappeared. I never actually hated the concept of marriage....I just hated what society has turned it into with influences by media, ego, and unreasonable expectations. 

People have lost themselves in their own minds....buried themselves in egotistical emotions like possessiveness and jealousy. Marriage isn't just about being with someone you love...it's also about sharing your life path with your best friend in their purest form...and understanding that while you may be together you are not owned by each other. You support each other with everything that you have, yet still let each other breathe. You respect each other's passions, desires, and goals as something separate that can be accomplished with equal support from both sides. This requires trust, but you can't have trust without honesty. And I feel like a lot of people have lost touch with honesty....which leads to distrust. 

Whether I get married or not one day...who knows....it doesn't really matter....

But I do know that I have found home within my own heart throughout my time of healing from my almost-married breakup. The past year of my life without him has taught me so much about myself and where I'm headed in life, and this past month has confirmed it. I am on a mission to spread tolerance and compassion everywhere I go and to keep going anywhere I can. If I happen to meet someone along the way, then that's beautiful, but if he tries to hinder my purpose for selfish reasons, then marriage is not an option. I live for worldly love, not romantic love. If I happen to find it for what it was originally meant to be, then I will cherish it for the precious and ephemeral jewel that it is. 

   "Love one another, but make not a bond 

of love:

   Let it rather be a moving sea between 

the shores of your souls.

   Fill each other's cup but drink not from 

one cup.

   Give one another of your bread but eat 

not from the same loaf.

   Sing and dance together and be joyous, 

but let each one of you be alone,

   Even as the strings of a lute are alone

though they quiver with the same music.

   Give your hearts, but not into each

other's keeping.

   For only the hand of Life can contain

your hearts.

   And stand together yet not too near

together:

   For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

   And the oak tree and the cypress grow

not in each other's shadow."

----Kahlil Gibran The Prophet